


The beating of our hearts

by Syven



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 10:10:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11228790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syven/pseuds/Syven
Summary: Originally written on 03/23/2006.  Trust is a tenuous thing.  (Not long after Nine turned into Ten.)





	The beating of our hearts

Absently, he pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose as he read walking slowly down one of many corridors that filled the TARDIS. This was a walk he had made many, many times over the past few hundred years and he suspected, might continue for a few hundred more if his luck held. Hamlet's lamenting prose floated up from the open book in his hand, making him feel distinctly uncomfortable with its whining, petulant tone. He preferred MacBeth, with his rounding madness and genius, full of betrayal and ambition.

There it was again, that sound. He looked up from his tome as his head leaned slightly to the left side, ears straining to make it out. He couldn’t quite place what it was but whatever it was, it was coming from the direction of the Cathedral. A sigh escaped him, being that he seldom sought out the Cathedral room and it had been a source of great irritation to his previous incarnation who disdained the job of rescuing the TARDIS's cat from whatever perch the bats lured it up on before flitting mischievously out of reach. He pulled at his robe cord, drawing the fabric closed again and tucked the book under his arm. He frowned slightly, thinking, ‘Should go take a look. One of the bloody bats caught on something, I’m sure.’ 

He strode purposefully down the hall, passing obscurely marked doors on either side without regard. His feet froze in the arched doorway, once again taking in the enormous arched pillars of the room rising gracefully in the shadows to frame the night sky in a deceptive simulation of reality. Her silhouette shadow danced against the floor, cast in the light from the fireplace. The sound stopped abruptly as she became aware that the footsteps had stopped. She could feel him staring and, with a furtive wipe of her eyes with the cuff of her sleeve, she took a deep, ragged breath willing herself to be calm.

“What is it, Doctor?” She asked, her voice monotone, staring into the flames, offering no invitation, no explanation. She heard the rustle of his robe as he moved and she held her breath, desperately willing him to stay away.

When he spoke it was close behind her, his voice low and quiet and her heart sank, knowing that the darkness of the room would not be sufficient to mask her tears. “Rose… I thought I heard something but… are you alright?”

“Top of the world, Doctor. Top of the world.” Her voice caught just the smallest bit at the end but she didn’t think it was noticeable until she felt his hand grip her arm, pulling her around to face him. His newly brown eyes darted intently, searching for any clue upon her face but she closed her eyes, unwilling to make eye contact. “Rose, you’ve been crying. What is the matter? Have I done something?” 

Rose forced a smile, holding her facial expression rigid as she raised her eyes to meet his. The lie came easily, without even the slightest hesitation. “I’m fine, really, Doctor. Everything is fine.”

He frowned - just the smallest bit, obviously confused and suspicious. He let go of her arm and took a step back, crossing his arms over his chest. “Rose, I’m not going to toss you out of the TARDIS for having feelings. If there’s something wrong, I trust that you can tell me.”

“Trust…” She spat, anger surging to the surface. Like molten lava, it spilt over driving it’s own path of sheer destruction. “Don’t you dare pretend you don’t know what’s wrong.”

He stumbled backwards on his heels, stunned. “I don’t understand. “ He ran a hand absently through his hair, “Honestly, I don’t. Why wouldn’t you be able to trust me? I didn’t think I’d given you any reason to doubt me.” Confused, he watched as she gaped at his words. 

“You can’t think of a single reason?” Her voice was low with a deadly stillness to it. His blood went cold as her words sunk in.

“It has been two weeks since I regenerated, Rose. I’ve already said I was sorry that I didn’t have a chance to tell you more before it happened. I am not going to keep apologizing for who I am, honestly.” The sigh tore from him raggedly. This again - He didn’t know what to do, he never did. “Sooner or later, you are going to have to accept it.”

A bitter laugh escaped her lips, she whispered, “You want me to trust you but you don’t trust me.” 

“Rose, I do trust you. Blimey, I trusted you with the TARDIS. I trusted you since the first moment you took my hand, on the bridge. How could you…” his voice trailed off, as he made the connection between what she said and what she meant. 

“I could easily believe it, Doctor. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me what could happen and that’s what hurts. What else are you not telling me?” A single tear rolled down her cheek and without thought, he brushed it gently away with his hand.

“It wasn’t like that, Rose. I had every intention of telling you one day. I… it’s not exactly the kind of thing I go around thinking about every day…” He turned away from her, raking a hand through his hair as he was so prone to doing these days when the memories crowded in on him, confusing and frightening. He whispered, “It’s still bloody me, for Christ’s sake. Still me. I’m right sodding here.” 

The warmth of her hand against his back sent a cascade of overwhelming sensations into his mind. She whispered, “I know you are there.” He shivered as she ran her hand down his spine, leaning in so he could hear the emotionless in her tone. “And I know I doubted you and I’m sorry for that.”

She turned him around to face her, looking up slowly to meet his gaze. A dull tiredness crept into her deep brown eyes. “But it’s been two weeks and you still don’t trust me to stay and ya still won’t just tell me what you’re about, Doctor, and that’s what hurts. What if something happens to you? You don’t trust me to know you and how am I supposed to accept that? It’s like you don’t care.”

The room tilted suddenly, shuddering malevolently as the TARDIS jolted against the edge of the Time Vortex. Rose came to an ungraceful rest against one of the many overstuffed sofas legs over head. The Doctor lay a few feet away, he and his newly liberated glasses coming to a rest before the fireplace. His face was tight in pure rage as he bolted to his feet, poor Hamlet abandoned upon the hard wood flooring, his voice like thunder as he towered over her, “I DON’T CARE? I WILLINGLY DIED FOR YOU. ” 

The TARDIS shuddered again as he swiveled away from her, storming out of the room, disappearing into the darkness beyond the doorframe.

She hugged her legs to her chest and wept in soft, jagged sobs. When the TARDIS landed moments later, she knew they were on Earth again and she went to the desk. Pulling out a small bit of paper, she wrote briefly. Setting the pen down, Rose found her way to the control room and, walking past him, simply stepped out of the door and closed it behind her.

~~~

Jackie jumped up when Rose entered the flat, rushing over to give her absent daughter a hug, looking past her over her shoulder for something… someone… before Rose laughed bitterly against her shoulder. “It’s just me. I’m back.”

“Rose sweetheart, what happened? Come in here and sit down, there, let me get you some tea and you can tell me all about it.” She flitted off into the kitchen, busying herself as her daughter flopped in the nearest chair with a far-off look in her eye. “Had a little spat now did you? I’m surprised it took this long, what with everything that changed, I don’t blame you a bit for leaving, sweetheart. It’s just not natural all that changing and whatnot.”

“Mum, I don’t want to talk about it, okay? What was on the outside never mattered. I just… I’d rather not talk about it, okay?”

Jackie reappeared carrying two steaming mugs of tea, setting one down for Rose; she leaned back in her chair and said, “So how long are you home for then? Until later tonight, love? A few days, maybe? You know how much your Gram would love to see you, you know.”

“I’m back, Mum. Just that. Just back. Ok?” There was something in her tone that made Jackie repress her desire to pry deeper.

~~~

***buzz*** 

The intercom on her desk buzzed softly, an intrusion that proclaimed itself with the utmost apologies. She depressed the button and her secretary’s voice floated up from the outer room.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Prime Minister, but you have a visitor here – a Rose Tyler to see you.”

“Rose! Of course, send her in right away!” Harriet hurried from behind her desk towards the now-opening door to her office. Gathering Rose in a steadfast embrace, she felt the young girl quiver with over-brimming emotion and pulled back to see eyes gently rimmed with carefully-guarded tears. She waved in askance for the door to be closed and waited until they were alone. “Rose, darling, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you alright?” 

Rose brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose and nodded solemnly, “Yes, I’m fine, honestly. I didn’t mean to alarm you. I’m here on a strictly personal visit. No danger, I’m afraid.” The nervous laughter hid many things but Harriet decided it was important to let the young woman come to speak on her own. “I feel a bit foolish asking but I seem to be recently in need of employment and I thought perhaps you might have some advice for me.”

“Employment? Why, Rose dear, you know I would be happy to help. Just a moment.” She turned to her desk and depressed the intercom button once again, “Alex, dear, have we filled the position Margaret vacated last month? The outer office reception?”

The disembodied voice of her right hand man replied, “Not as yet, Prime Minister.”

“That’s splendid, Alex. Could you step into my office to collect Rose and bring her ‘round to Personnel. Do let them know she will be filling that vacancy and help her take care of the paperwork. Then, if you would be so kind, could you bring her back to me. I think a nice quiet lunch is in order, don’t you my dear?” She asked Rose gently. 

Rose nodded in agreement. “I really appreciate this, Prime Minister. I honestly didn’t mean to impose on you.”

“No imposition at all, Rose, and it’s Harriet between us. I can use someone smart and capable to help Alex and, if I may daresay, you will have no trouble keeping up with the long hours Alex works.” She touched Rose’s cheek softly. “If you don’t mind my asking, you will be around for awhile, then?”

Rose’s jaw clinched and she blinked twice before answering; “There is no fear of me running out on you, Harriet. What is that phrase they like to use? When fools rush in and all that rubbish.”

The Prime Minister’s dark haired assistant entered the room and, with a smile, took Rose by the arm and led her away.

~~~

Seven crimson skinned humanoids ran past his hiding place and he slipped down the corridor without detection. ‘Why does just having a look around always turn into trouble?’ He thought as he opened the vault with his sonic screwdriver. 

Stepping inside, he deactivated the alarm switch and moved to where the book sat atop its pedestal. ‘The last surviving Romeo and Juliet in the entire universe.’ 

That the Cordelists were a peaceful, intelligent race only seeking to preserve objects of great historical importance was of some significance to him as he gently lifted the book from its stand and slipped it into his jacket pocket. The fact that they were collecting said objects did not bother him in the least but once collected by these beings, the objects were locked away in vaults where no one could enjoy them. 

Sadly, this copy of Shakespeare’s greatest romance had been the property of Earth Prime Colony Five for over 200 years and had recently been stolen from the exhibit where millions of travelers had been able to enjoy it. 

‘Just taking it home, that’s all’ He reassured himself as he eased the vault closed behind him to find himself facing the same seven Cordelists who had been pursuing him earlier.

“Thief” One of them hissed as it pressed the injector into the Doctor’s arm. The Doctor staggered backwards a few steps, his head spinning with the effect of the sleep inducer. 

“Blimey! I am not a thief.” He proclaimed indignantly as he continued to stagger backwards. ‘Almost there’, he thought, his battle with the sleep inducer quickly becoming one sided. ‘Got to hold on.’ The vault door swung open behind him and he collapsed into the doorway, carefully sliding to the left just inside the doorframe. The Cordelists rushed to his aid and he took the opportunity to slide between them as he activated the door lock with a flick of his wrist. It was hard to disconcert if the Cordelists were angry or shocked, being crimson skinned already, but the Doctor had no desire to stick around and find out. 

Pulling himself along the hallway, he felt a surge of relief at the sight of the TARDIS. Getting the key in the door in his state proved to be… interesting… but he managed it, collapsing to the metal grating as the door swung shut behind him. ‘Rose will have a laugh...’ He thought, his line of thinking halting abruptly when he realized what he was thinking. The darkness rose up to meet him even as the smile faded from his lips. The TARDIS shuddered ever so slightly.

~~~

He woke several hours later to the hum of the TARDIS engines, idling softly, and pulled himself to his feet. Pulling the book from his pocket, he slowly turned down the corridor leading to the Cathedral. His footsteps felt like lead weights the closer he got to the cavernous chamber and he sighed with relief when he was finally able to reverently place the book on the writing desk closest to the door. He turned quickly; meaning to be away from the room swiftly, when the breeze created from his jackets’ movement dislodged a small scrap of notepaper. It fluttered to the floor by his feet and he instinctively bent to retrieve it.

‘Really must make time to put together my notes coherently one day.’ He had laid the paper on the tables’ surface before he realized that the writing on the paper was not his own. Pulling his glasses from his jacket pocket, he lifted the paper to read. His glasses fell with a clatter to the floor a moment later as he sank to his knees holding his face in his hands.

The paper fluttered to the floor once again. 

“Dammit” He whispered miserably into the darkness, “How could I be so stupid…” 

His fingers stroked the paper where it lay on the floor, his mind filling with flickering images of many lifetimes, the death he inevitably left in his wake, the scorched surface of his planet, the grief of a million losses swept away by the thought of just one solitary soul. Lifting it, he pressed the paper to his forehead, lost in the maze of 900 years of memories that inhabited his brain. 

Unbidden, the memory of his trial rose before him and the feeling of indignation came back to him again. They were the same Time Lords who had dragged his unconscious body into the TARDIS and set the detonation field while he lay helpless at their feet. They had argued with him for hours, trying to get him to understand that the combined vortex fields of all their TARDIS’ where the only hope for the universe. The only way to stop the Daleks. 

Brown hair tousled as he dropped his head in memory. He had tried to warn them off, tried to get them to look at his calculations but they ignored him, believing their own theories superior to those of their always-meddling, always-rebellious compatriot. So they threw him to the floor of his own TARDIS and set the codes in motion, sending his beloved TARDIS into the slipstream of the vortex to be the lightening bolt. 

He had woken only moments after the TARDIS had started the final sequence, rushing to stop it but it was too late… the explosion that followed milliseconds later convulsed all of Time and Space forever and left him alone in the universe. Sentenced to spend eternity exiled from the peaceful oblivion granted to the rest of his species. The passage came to him, unbidden.

~~~

They in their arrogance had laid a trillion deaths at his feet, leaving no apology behind to compensate for the agony of his grief. Too many times before, he had simply walked away from attachments because it did not suit him. Always the rebel, he had walked away from his race many times in the past, deliberately breaking their rules to live the life he chose. Never thinking that time, precious time would run out to rejoin his kin on his own terms. He had been called back, ordered back to participate in the last push and he had gone home very willingly to assist in the preparations. Gone home never imagining that he should say goodbye to anyone, there or anywhere. 

His last traveling companion had long since said their farewells. He knew that his cavalier attitude drove them away, being the emotional creatures they were. He smiled now at that thought, the heavy beating of his own hearts giving lie to his ability to set aside emotions at will.

The Doctor rose to his feet now, brushing his jacket straight and running a hand through his hair. The lights in the control room seemed to brighten slightly when he entered and began dialing in coordinates on the console, whispering soothingly to his wonderful ship as he coaxed her off their current course and into an adjacent vortex toward Earth.

He smiled when the lone satellite revolving around the Earth came into view. Jack would know what to do. He always did.

~~~

“I really can’t thank you enough, Harriet. You’ve been so generous and patient with me.” The attractive young woman smiled across the top of her delicate, porcelain teacup at her elder companion. Her formerly bleach blonde hair now a soft shade of chestnut that complimented her skin and eyes perfectly, coifed neatly in a lose bun atop her head. Gone were the baggy jeans and disheveled tops she had worn in the past, replaced by hand-tailored suits in every shade of the autumn that was now settling across the country.

In the six months since she had first shown up on the Prime Minister’s doorstep, she had undergone many changes – not the least of all being her wardrobe. Whilst her new job had made her Alex’s right hand “man”, it was he who had taken her under his wing and helped her adjust to her new life even going so far as to offer up the spare bedroom of his flat to her – platonically, of course. Alex had already made it clear that he was married to his job, which relieved her greatly. Harriet had provided an advance on her first paycheck and Alex had taken her shopping for “proper attire” – a shopping trip that had been rather somber at the time. 

Everything so freshly new, the pain so freshly locked away, she had allowed herself to be redressed, remade into the respectable professional that she was today. The two women often shared lunch together, going over notes and talking about their families. Rose still went home every weekend to spend with her mother and Mickey, returning to the office directly from the train every Monday morning early, eager to get started. 

The Prime Minister had never pried once since that first day, had let Rose move at her own pace but gently and firmly guiding her into a more active role in many social welfare concerns, giving Rose the ever-growing feeling that she was affecting the world for the better. Now the Prime Minister looked on her protégé with concern. She had hoped that the work would fill the void of the Doctor’s absence but she had never thought the young woman would simply close herself off from his memory. It was a forbidden subject, with Rose gracefully excusing herself from the room whenever a Torchwood advisor showed up for consultation. 

“You know, Rose dear, my nephew has been asking about you again. You made quite the impression on him at the cricket game last week.” She peered intently at the tealeaves floating at the bottom of her teacup as she said this.

Rose smiled, knowing the older woman meant well, and offered, “He was a perfect gentleman and I was appreciative of his company but you know I do not have time for those sorts of things right now, Harriet. So much to do and see, you know. Maybe in the future…” The image of the Cathedral fireplace rose uninvited to her with a strength that threatened to shatter her perfect mask into a million pieces. 

‘No!’ She raged in her mind. ‘It’s the past. He could have stopped me if he wanted me to stay. Bloody hell, all he had to do was call and he didn’t. It’s over. This is where I am now.’ She let out a ragged breath before realizing that her luncheon companion had risen and was standing over her now with a very concerned look on her face.

“Oh my poor dear, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. You know I would never…” Harriet stammered in apology.

Rose smiled weakly up at her boss, “I’m quite fine, honestly. I’m sorry to have concerned you. Just a random memory floating up out of nowhere but honestly, I’m fine.”

Harriet laid a hand on Rose’s shoulder and gripped it ever so slightly. “They will always float up if you don’t deal with them, sweetheart.” She released her grip and moved to the conference table where she shuffled a few papers around. “But enough of my mothering, my dear. Would you be so kind as to bring me the North Yorkshire Market report for yesterday?” She implored. 

Rose nodded and set her teacup down. Time to go to work. Work was good, it left little time for things like memories or regrets or sorrow… Work made her feel worthwhile and gave her something to strive for. She never felt stupid now. They trusted her so when she felt the tears welling up as she sifted through the Market reports for the week, she blinked them away quickly and took a deep breath to quell any remaining emotion. 

She knew that she would wake up the next morning with her lips tasting vaguely of salt and have to use eye drops before she got into the shower. As she had every day for the last six months. She was just grateful that she did not remember her dreams.

~~~

Ambassador Viltran appraised the volume he held in his hand for authenticity before breaking into an enigmatic grin. “You’ve done it! By the stars, you brought them back to us, Doctor. How can we ever repay you?”

The Doctor smiled sheepishly, a slight blush rising in his cheeks as the Ambassadors praise washed over him. He had arrived on Colony Five two hours earlier and had been kept waiting by unbelieving underlings of the man who stood before him. It wasn’t that he normally minded waiting, but he felt impatient today. He wanted to return the book and continue his journey. He fidgeted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, until the Ambassador offered his hand to him.

“You have the air of a man on a mission, Doctor, and I’m afraid I’m keeping you from it. Is everything alright? Is there anything I can get you before you leave? Does your ship, um, box, need restocking with anything? Food? Drink? Anything at all, just name it and it is yours, good Doctor.”

He stopped fidgeting. “Well, now that you mention it, I've heard wonderful things about that lovely wine your people produce. If I could be so bold as to request a case or two…”

The Ambassador lifted his hand to silence his dark haired companion and then brought both hands together in a sharp clap. At once, two workers appeared and he gave them instructions to bring 10 cases of their best year to the TARDIS for the Doctor, who grinned at his hosts’ generosity. 

He appreciated the gesture, knowing full well that the Ambassador would have given him a great deal more than what he requested. Such a little thing, generosity, so flexible and polite – one could almost think of the word’s meaning in an organic sense for it truly had life in it, to it. He smiled at the path his thoughts had taken, amused at himself.

“… I wish you a safe journey wherever you may find yourself going, Doctor. You will always be an honored guest among my people”. The Ambassador was saying, shaking his hand effusively. The Doctor returned the man’s smile and turned to find attendants waiting to escort him back to the TARDIS.

It would be another hour before he found himself closing the door and dialing in the year 200,000 on the console. His hands lingered over the ignition switch as he thought of his old friend again and was surprised by the small pang of regret that he felt. ‘I should have told him as well. I’ve been such a daft fool.’ He thought as the TARDIS jolted its way into the time vortex once again, tossing him about the spacious room, leaving the Doctor struggling to keep control. He breathed a sigh of relief when the shaking finally subsided and the monitor displayed that he had, in fact, arrived at the right time and location for once.

Tossing his long, beige trenchcoat over his suit, he let himself out of the TARDIS and into the park they had landed in. All around him rose the evidence of rebuilding, reconstructing and – above all – glorious life upon his beloved second home. The thought of what his actions had done to it were sobering, even to the Doctor, but he shook off those contemplation’s to revel in the beautiful, moonlight night stretching out before him. The sound of people laughing carried across the wind to him and, with a smile, he turned to follow the noise to its roots. Ironically, that turned out to be a small tavern-like structure around the corner. 

~~~

Ordinarily Jack would have been flattered by the attentions of an attractive, mysterious man but the one who had been eyeing him under a heavy-lidded gaze from across the bar for the last 40 minutes made him feel distinctively disquieted. There was something about him… something in the eyes… Jack felt like he knew the man but could not place who it was and that bothered him because it could only mean one thing – he had known this person during the time that had been wiped from his memories. 

He couldn’t stand it for another minute. Graciously excusing himself from the company of two beautiful redheads – twins, of course – he slid up to the barstool closest to the stranger. Raising a hand to the bartender, he indicated refills for himself and the other man. “I know this is going to sound like the corniest pickup line of the century but… how do I know you?”

The Doctor laughed, raising his glass to his lips with a small smile. “Certainly not in the manner in which you are thinking, Captain Harkness.”

“I call foul. This is unfair. You obviously have me at a disadvantage.” Jack’s eyes twinkled in delight when he heard the stranger’s accent. “You remind me of someone but…” He stammered over his words now, as the Doctor turned to look him in the eye. “Your eyes… If I didn’t know any better…” He became lost in the memory of that day, nearly nine months ago, when he watched the TARDIS vanish, leaving him all alone on a satellite far above the earth. He had felt abandoned, betrayed in those moments, feeling lost and alone until the relay signal from Earth reached him and then he had thrown himself into helping those on the planet rebuild and grow once again. From time to time, he looked to the stars and thought of his lost companions, feeling the sting of the unknown – did they live…

“What about my eyes?” The Doctor asked, his voice small and tight.

Jack responded from a million memories away, “If they were blue…” 

The Doctor grinned broadly, his new brown eyes dancing with happiness.

“Oh. Oh! Oh my god. Doctor? Is that you? Is it really you?” He slid off the barstool in a daze, his eyes alight with hope against hope.

The Doctor nodded and was immediately engulfed in a fierce hug by his newly rediscovered friend. Jack was babbling, still holding him tightly and the Time Lord could feel his friend shaking. Returning the hug, he grimaced when Jack whispered, “I thought you’d left me.” 

Putting his forehead to that of his friends, he sighed. “Not forever, just until you had things on course here. We ended up in that situation because of my arrogance. My belief that all I had to do was take out the anomaly and things would just spring back on track and I had left the Earth in hell for a century because of it. I couldn’t s…” 

The Doctor looked up, realizing how public this display was and he nudged Jack out of his reverie. “Is there someplace we can talk that is a little less… public?”

Jack took a step back, frowning and tilting his head to the side in confusion. “So this isn’t the ‘Come back’ moment, is it… I mean, it’s okay, I just thought…”

The Doctor put his hand on the taller man’s arm and squeezed. “It is if you are done here, Jack. I didn’t come here to take you away from people who need you, who need your leadership. I came here because I need to explain.”

~~~

Alex stood in the doorway to her bedroom, watching her struggling in her sleep and he felt helpless. Every night she cried out and wept, clutching her bedcovers, shuddering against something in the darkness. ‘How do you grieve for something so strongly that you can only do it in your unconscious sleep?’ He asked himself. ‘What did you have that you lost that was so incredible?’ He sat on the edge of her bed, reaching out to gently shake her arm, bringing her out of her nightmare. 

“Alex? Alex, what are you… is something wrong?” She pulled herself up onto her elbows, blinking the sleep form her tired eyes to peer cautiously at her housemate.

“No, Rose, you were having a … nightmare. I was just worried about you.” He smiled softly, brushing the hair from her eyes. “Did you… did you want me to stay here tonight? Just company, of course.” His hand moved down her arm to take her hand and she snatched it away as if she had touched a hot stove. 

“Oh dear. I’m sorry, Alex. I just… I can’t…” Tears rolled down her cheeks and the sorrow in her eyes was all consuming. “Why can’t I do anything sodding right? I’m so stupid. I wish I could just go back.” She threw her arms around him and he pulled her into a tight embrace, stroking her hair and rocking her gently as she sobbed. 

“It’s all my own fault. I thought I knew and before I knew it, it had all gone horribly wrong.” She whispered between heart-wrenching sobs, the story spilling out of her in drips as she wept, losing herself in the all-encompassing grief that she had kept locked away in her heart for eight long months. “Everyone assumed it was the change that made me leave but it wasn’t. All I wanted was to know why but I put my foot in it and I was too proud to take it out.”

Too tired now to hold back, it all came tumbling out until at last, she was silent and he felt her breathing slow. Easing her back down onto her pillow, he stood and slipped out of his robe and slid between the covers beside her. Pulling her close with one arm wrapped around her waist, he drifted off to sleep. 

Her nightmare did not return.

~~~

Jack gapped at the Doctor in disbelief. “You can’t be serious. How could you just let her walk out the door like that? You had to know she just wanted you to stop her.”

“Jack, honestly, it’s not as if I put my foot to her arse and kicked her out. She walked out. I had no idea what to do. It's not a perfect science, this regeneration bit. Sometimes I remember everything recent straight away and sometimes I don’t but the mechanics of it all… it drifts back to me. Well, when I realized she wasn’t coming back inside, well, it was too late. I’m bloody useless with these domestic things. ”

“Doc, doc… human women are beautiful, strange, indefinable creatures capable of being incredibly strong and intelligent while, at the same time, also being unbelievably foolhardy and pigheaded. But, you came to the right place. This one is easy. Just go back.”

The Doctor laughed, “Just go back? That’s it?”

Jack shook his head in amusement. “Yeah, that’s it. Stop wondering what you should’ve done and go back and do it. You have a time machine. Just. Go. Back.”

“Blimey!”

~~~

She stepped out of the TARDIS into the dawn, the air crisp and damp with the morning dew. Her mother’s block of flats stood before her and every breath she took screamed at her to go back before it was too late – go back and just apologize. How had she let it get this far? She froze, her hand sliding up her leg to the pocket of her jeans, horror as she realized that she’d left the TARDIS key on the desk with her note. Putting the cuff of her sleeve to her mouth, she muffled a cry as her cellphone began ringing.

In disbelief, she pulled the device from her pocket and stared at the display. “TARDIS CALLING”. As she depressed the On button, Rose heard a door creak behind her and she swiveled, phone to her ear, to see the Doctor standing in the TARDIS doorway, leaning casually on the doorframe, with the TARDIS phone to his ear.

“’Ello” He smiled. She heard double. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“’ello” A small grin started tugging at the corner of her lips. “Just out for a stroll, yeah?”

He stood upright, still speaking into the phone while holding her stare, he held his free hand out to her and she took it. “We can keep doing this or… we could go have a cuppa and I could… try to answer any questions you might have.”

“Ya could, couldn’t ya.” She grinned madly now, still speaking into her mobile as she closed the gap between them, coming to rest just inside the TARDIS door, leaning against his side to look up at him. “Right then, a cuppa it is and you get to make it this time.”

“Oi, tha’d be fantastic.” His eyes twinkled riotously as the TARDIS door swung closed to the outside world.

 

FIN


End file.
